The Independent London Newspaper
25th March 2017

Heseltine, jihadis and a joke about groping: Stanley Johnson's near-knuckle one-liners at HS2 meeting

    LISTEN TO STANLEY JOHNSON BY PRESSING PLAY IN TOP LEFT HAND CORNER

    Published: 30 January, 2014
    By TOM FOOT

    STANLEY Johnson - father to London Mayor Boris Johnson - had people laughing at the HS2 meeting in Camden Town last week with a series of one liners that some audience members suggested matched his son's fondness for the light-hearted. One joke about 'British girls inspired by jihad' coming down from Birmingham, however, had others frowning.

    Here is a selection of his quotes:

    “I regard myself as local. Several of the children went to Primrose Hill primary school – Boris, Rachel, Leo – two or three of others." 
     
    “Calling Baron Adonis of Camden is a bit like calling Air Marshal Harris, Harris of Berlin." 
     
    "Lib Dems these days are queuing up to apologise for invading people’s personal space – well if anyone’s groping Camden, it’s Lord Adonis. Adonis should apologise."
     
    "Our objective is for HS2 to stop at Old Oak Common. I don’t know entirely where Old Oak Common is, but it is a jolly good place for a train to stop. That is my view of Old Oak Common."
     
    “HS2 engineers came to my house in Park Village East and said the train is going to go six metres from your house. They said: ‘Don’t worry. We are going to have ground anchors under your houses and in your gardens to hold the whole thing up.’  I thought it was all a bit Heath Robinsonish so I started investigating. Turns out they have never been used before, except in the sea wall at Fukushima in Japan. That appears to be a fact. My house shudders if I walk upstairs. Are we not going to see houses collapse?"
     
    “The other day I was down in Devon. I was with Lord Heseltine. Heseltine had been shooting. I was waiting, not waiting his table, I was waiting for the hare. He said the French do it well because they compensate people properly and they get the job done.
     
    “I picked up the Evening Standard. It said: ‘British girls inspired by jihad.’  Why don’t we think about the security aspect of HS2. All these British girls in Birmingham will take 15 minutes less time to get to London. There are real issues here." 
     
    “Anybody here know the Mayor of London? Anyone know the MP who is head of the Downing Street political unit? We need to get hold of these people and make them think how we think."
     

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